Geographic location of the bug: Joplin Missouri
Time: 07:36 PM EDT
Found in a friends kitchen. She was poked by it and now has a swollen finger. Which I believe is common for pokes.
How you want your letter signed: Heather
This is not an insect. It is the seed pod of a plant and it is commonly called a Cocklebur. Cockleburs get embedded in pet hair and clothing, and that is how the plant disperses its seed far from the mature plant. You can view this image that we located on the University of Minnesota Extension site. For some inexplicable reason, you may purchase 100 cockleburs on Etsy for a mere $5.00.
But it is alive, it moves, and has huge pinchers like a beetle.