thanks for nothing asshole
(05/03/2008) (no subject)
i was wondering if u could tell me what this bug is i looked
online and couldnt find it the pics arent very good because
the bugs would not stop moveing im not sure if its a worm
or laravae but i was hopeing maby you could help they keep
crawling up our drain and into our bathtube and we would
really like to know what we are dealing with if you could
reply as soon as possible that would be great thank you.
Dear Jen Cifone,
When we opened your email today, we couldn’t imagine what
we had done to deserve such a vehement response coupled with
such a strong personal insult. Rarely do we encounter such
bitterness in our readership. We searched our email inbox
and found the query your wrote the day before and can only
deduce that your anger stems from the fact that you did not
get a response from us within 24 hours. We will now attempt
to remedy that oversight. Your photo is out of focus and is
totally useless for identification purposes. We do, however,
have some personal advice for you. You might consider going
back to school to learn how to write and spell as your communication
skills are clearly lacking. Your grammar is atrocious and
we have no idea what a bathtube is. While you are improving
your basic skills, you might want to consider enrolling in
a photography class so you can take images that will be helpful
for any further identifications you desire. You might also
want to consider rounding out your re-education by enrolling
in an etiquette class. That will probably also benefit you
greatly. On a positive note, you have been awarded our Third
Ever Nasty Reader Award. Congratulations.
Additionally, we will open the identification of your mysterious
blurry creature to our readership, who may have suggestions
or general comments to pass your way. By all means readership,
write to Jen Cifone at email@example.com
and tell her what you think.
Ed. Note: We seriously believe that Jen Cifone
has a bet going that she could win the Nasty
Reader Award. We can’t imagine anyone composing her original
letter with such blatant disregard for the English language
nor anyone with half a brain thinking they could get that
blurry photo identified.
Please don’t drink so much whilst photographing bugs, and
try to drink even less when emailing. These guys are really
busy and while they have a great sense of humor (they still
accept email from me!) they will only laugh if you tell them
that you were just trying to be funny. Which I hope was the
case because you really can’t be serious with that photo.
And if the second email was from your drunk boyfriend, I’d
view this as a red flag.
Update: (05/05/2008) Fuzzy Tubeworms
OMFG!! RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! ok, a slow walk would
be fine…they aren’t very fast. I think she has FUZZYTUB
WORMS ! They are often mis-identified as “Fuzzy tube worms”
but those are believed to be extinct due to over harvesting
of the fuzz for ladies hats back in the 1920’s and cheap gin
(if you could call it that) during prohibition. A sad, sad
story, but I digress…. If this truly IS a fuzzytub worm
(timeto scrubthetubus ), she needs to get into rehab NOW as
things will only get worse. “Prickly True Wheel Bugs” will
be spotted next and if so, may God help her as their sting
is absolutely annoying if even noticed by the poor bite victim.
Next of course comes the dreaded “Pink Elephant” which although
not a bug in any sense, the doctors in rehab can charge the
patient or their insurance company three times the rate of
Prickly True Wheel Bugs (the standard purple PTWB or the less
common “Arisaid Hebridean” Tartan dress plaid PTWB.) But then,
if she had a Arsaid Hebridean PTWB she’d be a millionaire
and insurance wouldn’t matter now, would it? Ah, never mind.
She deserves what she gets. Mean girl. Oh, $#!* (edited for
content). I’m out of wine. Well, it’s time to go to bed
anyway. Much love!
Job well done! 🙂
Dear Daniel & Lisa Anne,
I’m a freaquent reader of your site since I’ve come accross
it some months ago. Even though I’ve never submitted to your
website, I find it very interesting and informative. I must
admit I was horrified to come accross your Nasty Reader Awards
tonight however and had to speak up. To think people still
behave this way is absolutely unthinkable. They think nothing
of sending such insulting e-mails and have no patience what-so-ever
without even knowing who they’re speaking to. Thinking since
they don’t know you and will never have to face you, then
there’s no consequence or reason to feel any remorse for their rude
behavior! It’s embarrassing. So I wanted to let you ladies
know how much I appreciate your hard work and devotion to
your site and your fans. Even though you have such demandig
carreers (which I’m sure take up most of your time to begin
with) you still find time for your loyal (and not so loyal)
fans. Well done ladies! Keep up the good work!
Thank your for your thoughtful letter Val, but the last
we checked, Daniel was still a man. Your theory of face to
face confrontation stretches much wider than just the internet.
We have long believed that people feel isolated while driving
their motor vehicles, and this isolation contributes to road
rage. We personally always seek eye contact when attempting
to change lanes in a difficult traffic snarl since many drivers
tend to ignore a turn signal, but will rarely ignore a face
with a pointing finger. Modern day warfare is another excellent
example of what can happen when we lose touch of the fact
that people are individuals.
Update: (05/15/2008) Nasty reader award
Hello Mr. Bugperson(s) (I believe you have several people
on your staff),
I’m sorry you had to encounter that subspecies “homo sapiens
ignoramus jerkwaddus” named Jen Cifone. Letters like that
are what happen when uninvolved parents (who later end up
on Nanny 911 or Supernanny) give their 8 year old a cell phone.
You should be content in the fact that Jen will reach her
full potential when you encounter her and she says “Would
you like fries with that?” I must express my appreciation
at your expertise in the world of invertebrates, and how you
freely share it with the public. Thank you for your great
Grand Rapids, MI
Thanks Chuck, but we just imagined her spitting in those
September 12, 2009
Love your site. Part of what makes the WWW so cool !!
Laughed till I cried at “Joanne Near Chicago’s” response to Jen Cifone’s blurry photo and nasty response to you.
Thank you for putting together something so fun AND edjucashunal!
Gary & DJ